My favorite author of all time died.
"But I'll tell you a terrible secret - Are you listening to me? There isn't anyone out there who isn't Seymour's Fat Lady. That includes your Professor Tupper, buddy. And all his goddam cousins by the dozens. There isn't anyone anywhere that isn't Seymour's Fat Lady. Don't you know that? Don't you know that goddam secret yet? And don't you know - listen to me, now - don't you know who that Fat Lady really is?...Ah, buddy. Ah, buddy. It's Christ Himself. Christ Himself, buddy."
-Zooey
p.s. I'm still pregnant. Guess I'm still the Fat Lady, too. We all are.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Last night I had a dream that I went to a Pentecostal-type-revival church, and when I walked in the door everyone was so happy and relieved to see that I had finally come "home." There were many girls from my high school graduating class welcoming me "back home."
When I woke up, I quickly disregarded the dream as some sort of last-month-of-pregnancy-boredom-hell-vision.
Did I mention that I'm bored out of my freaking mind? I suppose this is what happens when you get everything ready for the birth of your child 3 months in advance.
Here are some things that I have done out of pure boredom:
This morning at 7:00a.m., I got up to make the coffee. I got this great idea for a bitter Valentine's card, so I sat down and wrote it all out and designed it.
On the outside it reads:
"The good thing about having your heart broken is that you get to put it back together exactly as you like...instead of keeping each piece locked away in a simple pattern just as he preferred, hoping one day he wouldn't notice that it was longing to explode on its own from bad design and neglect."
On the inside it says:
"Another cool part is that in a couple of months, if you find that a piece is still missing, it's probably behind the couch, dusty and EXTRA SHARP, and you can throw it at him if you see him on the street."
I guess I still have some anger management issues. Just kidding. I've actually dealt with most of it, thanks to a series of dreams I've been having that I like to call: "Really?!? EVERY single man from my past is making an appearance this week?"
As you may have guessed, every single man of any importance from my past has been making multiple cameos in all dreams for about a month now. I have heard of this phenomenon, actually. My cousin said the exact same thing happened to her right before she gave birth. She said that she thought it was a "purging" of sorts.
A favorite episode from last week comes to mind. I just have to share it. I will not even reference who the male was in the dream.
So...this man...in the dream...was slightly overweight, drunk and taking a dump in front of me. It was really quite charming. He then proceeded to tell me (or try to tell me while slurring) that I was using his family for baby presents. It was really neat. After taking his shit, he got up and stumbled away. When I awoke, I laughed. It was ridiculous. But, I'm glad he finally got to tell me his true feelings about the situation. ;)
You know who I NEVER dream about? Beau. Guess I don't need to "purge" him.
In other news, Gus is becoming increasingly needy. Wonderful. An already needy dog is now sensing that I'm going to be taking care of ANOTHER needy baby boy. Also, Beau ate a handful of Cheerios the other day. One of the Cheerios went down his shirt sleeve. When he went upstairs, the Cheerio went on the hardwood floor of our bedroom. After an entire day of seeing the Cheerio on the ground I said, "Do you know where that Cheerio came from?" He said, "It was in my shirt sleeve." I said, "So, were you going to pick the Cheerio up?" He responded, "I figured Gus would eat it at some point, but I don't think he's seen it, yet."
Soon, I will have two boys dropping Cheerios everywhere and refusing to pick them up...and, I couldn't be happier. I'm just ready for it to happen already before I perform a C-section on myself.
Thank you. Good day.
When I woke up, I quickly disregarded the dream as some sort of last-month-of-pregnancy-boredom-hell-vision.
Did I mention that I'm bored out of my freaking mind? I suppose this is what happens when you get everything ready for the birth of your child 3 months in advance.
Here are some things that I have done out of pure boredom:
- Woke up one morning and thought, "My husband could really use a new 40" flat screen TV for an anniversary present. I'll go buy him one today. (I don't shop...so, this was a new thing for me.)
- After being completely disappointed in every single address book at Barnes and Noble, I came home and made one for myself.
- I saw two movies (in the theater) within 3 days. If you know me, then you know that I don't even like going to the movies. I get distracted easily, and I don't like being confined to one seat for 2 hours. Staring at George Clooney and Alec Baldwin was fun, though. (Up In The Air, It's Complicated.) I also enjoyed trying to burn all of Meryl Streep's outfits into my mind so that I can look exactly like her in 29 years.
- I watched every single episode of 30 Rock in about a week's time.
- I renovated the downstairs bathroom with the help of Beaubi-Wan. That was interesting.
This morning at 7:00a.m., I got up to make the coffee. I got this great idea for a bitter Valentine's card, so I sat down and wrote it all out and designed it.
On the outside it reads:
"The good thing about having your heart broken is that you get to put it back together exactly as you like...instead of keeping each piece locked away in a simple pattern just as he preferred, hoping one day he wouldn't notice that it was longing to explode on its own from bad design and neglect."
On the inside it says:
"Another cool part is that in a couple of months, if you find that a piece is still missing, it's probably behind the couch, dusty and EXTRA SHARP, and you can throw it at him if you see him on the street."
I guess I still have some anger management issues. Just kidding. I've actually dealt with most of it, thanks to a series of dreams I've been having that I like to call: "Really?!? EVERY single man from my past is making an appearance this week?"
As you may have guessed, every single man of any importance from my past has been making multiple cameos in all dreams for about a month now. I have heard of this phenomenon, actually. My cousin said the exact same thing happened to her right before she gave birth. She said that she thought it was a "purging" of sorts.
A favorite episode from last week comes to mind. I just have to share it. I will not even reference who the male was in the dream.
So...this man...in the dream...was slightly overweight, drunk and taking a dump in front of me. It was really quite charming. He then proceeded to tell me (or try to tell me while slurring) that I was using his family for baby presents. It was really neat. After taking his shit, he got up and stumbled away. When I awoke, I laughed. It was ridiculous. But, I'm glad he finally got to tell me his true feelings about the situation. ;)
You know who I NEVER dream about? Beau. Guess I don't need to "purge" him.
In other news, Gus is becoming increasingly needy. Wonderful. An already needy dog is now sensing that I'm going to be taking care of ANOTHER needy baby boy. Also, Beau ate a handful of Cheerios the other day. One of the Cheerios went down his shirt sleeve. When he went upstairs, the Cheerio went on the hardwood floor of our bedroom. After an entire day of seeing the Cheerio on the ground I said, "Do you know where that Cheerio came from?" He said, "It was in my shirt sleeve." I said, "So, were you going to pick the Cheerio up?" He responded, "I figured Gus would eat it at some point, but I don't think he's seen it, yet."
Soon, I will have two boys dropping Cheerios everywhere and refusing to pick them up...and, I couldn't be happier. I'm just ready for it to happen already before I perform a C-section on myself.
Thank you. Good day.
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