Bye, Book. Thanks for the Mems.

This is my "childrens' book for adults." I'm letting it go now. For about two years now, I have thought of different ways to get it published, illustrated 25 pages of it, made multiple press kits, sent it to publishers, etc. I realize now that I don't want it to get published. There are parts of it that don't really feel like "me" anymore. They don't really feel like the places inside of myself that I'd like to continue exploring. I think I'm done with it. So, I just want to share it with everyone (on my friends list) because I think we've all gone through some sort of loss, felt some sort of self-pity, or needed to vent. I don't need to vent anymore, but maybe someone out there in the world still needs to...enjoy. It feels good to get it out of my system and set it free. It feels good to not want to hurt anyone (or myself) anymore.

Goodbye little book. ;)


The Better End


Page 1:

Carly Heartsong married Ned Barley on top of a mountain on a random Wednesday. (Carly kept her name.)

Page 2:

They were so very much in love that no words were spoken, and their vows were understood and accepted by the silence and nature of the Universe.

Page 3:

For six years, Carly and Ned shared everything, including, but not limited to,...

Page 4:

recipes, bills, their innermost secrets...

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favorite books, arguments, two-stepping in local lakes...

Page 6:

political debates, an innate need to be together forever and a beloved dog.

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They even wrote heartbreakingly beautiful love songs for each other. Carly told Ned that he lived inside of her B flats and C sharps, which caused him to weep silently.

Page 8:

For quite some time, Carly and Ned's thoughts, beliefs and voices were perfectly harmonized.



Page 9:

Everyone thought so.

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That is, until, they decided to purchase cable television, cell phones and high speed internet access. Ned began to play online games for hours each night that involved guns and killing.

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He also purchased new designer colognes without even sniffing them.

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Carly became a lonely pacifist. She missed her mountaintop husband who used to smell of campfire. Then...

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...the texting began. Carly was annoyed by these new, shortened words and acronyms. "WTF does LOL mean?" she asked herself. She began to get suspicious of all of this technology.

Page 14:

Flowers and leaves, she understood.

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Against her own morals (but in tune with the waves of her instincts), she began to check Ned's phone every night while he slept. (This was, of course, at 3:47a.m., after his war game was over.)

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She knew snooping was wrong, but ringtones and e-mails and websites had begun replacing trees and books and kissing.

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This made her mad.

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And, really scared.

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Her greatest fear was realized upon finding one particularly eloquent text to another woman. It read, "U R amazing." Apparently, there was no shorthand version of "amazing."

Page 20:

That made sense to Carly.

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By the way, the other woman's name was Stormy. Oh, the irony.

Page 22:

Upon this text discovery, Carly began to go deep inside of herself, nightly.

Page 23:

She whispered prayers to the moon and burrowed into the secret spot within her brain, which she used exclusively for her obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

Page 24:

This brain-spot repeated the words, "I can change him. I can help him. I can change him. I can help him," over and over and over again.

Page 25:

Carly went to counseling. She made Ned go to counseling. They both lied to their therapists. Then, they both lied to each other. Things got worse.

Page 26:

Carly started to paint quite prolifically and began to contemplate the meaning and power of the connection of all matter. She lost herself inside of herself daily.



Page 27:

She decided black would be her signature color.

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Ned began to excel at web design and question the existence of any meaning or connection in life, whatsoever.

Page 29:

He noticed the black.

Page 30:

They were alone...together.

Page 31:

One evening at precisely 6:43p.m., Carly had an epiphany. She shared it with Ned.

Page 32:

"When I look at you, I see wires and circuits where a hiking trail used to be. There used to be summits in your eyes," she said to Ned, cautiously.

Page 33:

"When I look at you, I see stubborn rain clouds over a dry pasture. There used to be golden wheat fields in your eyes. You used to be harvest time," Ned said to Carly, even more cautiously.

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(Ned was secretly scared of Carly's passionate temper. She didn't know this, even though she scared herself at times.)

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They both looked past each other and quasi-acknowledged the reflective observation.

Page 36:

For the next two weeks, they both pretended to be wheat fields and hiking trails.

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Those two weeks were kind of like an extended dream sequence in a community theater production. The lighting wasn't quite right. The acting, mediocre. And, the music was horrid. There wasn't even a real French horn.

Page 38:

They weren't fooling anyone.

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The curtain finally closed on their sad little play when Carly accidentally and haphazardly (it really was an accident) stumbled upon Ned's old cell phone.

Page 40:

"Weird. Why is Ned's old phone sitting out on the table? Why is it even charged?" she asked herself. She pressed a button. Stormy's number appeared. Carly had thought that the Stormy days were over months ago. Again, with the irony.

Page 41:

Carly instantly and desperately wanted to change her last name to Heartsick.

Page 42:

Directly after experiencing the most stark raving mad argument of all-time for seven hours straight, Carly and Ned decided to have one last go at their marriage. They decided to go on a trip.

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Carly made a sign and attached it to the dashboard of their car. It read: NO CELL PHONES ALLOWED.

Page 44:

They went to the river's edge. They swam. They looked into each other's eyes.

Page 45:

It was a look of knowing. It was a look shared only by two people who know each other inside and out and, at the exact same time, have no idea who the other person is.

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When evening finally fell, the cicadas began their prelude to a nighttime symphony specifically composed to ward off divorce. Ned built a campfire. He told Carly funny stories from his childhood. She had never heard them before.

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Carly said, "I love hearing your stories. I think you are handsome and hilarious. I love you."
Ned said, "You do? I thought you were annoyed by me. I had forgotten you even liked the sound of my voice."

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Ned said, "I think you are a complicated, intelligent and beautiful woman. You are amazing. I love you."
Carly said, "You do? I thought you believed me to be insane. I had forgotten why you even loved me."

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Ned and Carly cried and held each other closer than ever before.

Page 50:

Nature had, once again, shown them their true selves. Ned saw Carly in the water rapids. Carly saw Ned in the rich, red earth.

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They sat in silence and let the smoke from the fire caress them.

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It blessed them.

Page 53:

It purified them.

Page 54:

It was just like their wedding day. They were new.

Page 55:

A "good" ending would be that they lived happily ever after.

Page 56:

A "good" ending would be that they continued to visit the river and baptize themselves with nature and honesty.

Page 57:

A "good" ending would be that they stayed together, combining art with technology, arguments with understanding, night with day.

Page 58:

But, that didn't happen.

Page 59:

Back in the real world, things turned worse than sour. There was more lying and even more depression. Horrible things were said. Belongings and hearts were divided.

Page 60:

(Ned got the computer. Carly got the dog.)

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Not a "good" ending at all, but...

Page 62:

before you give up on love entirely, remember this:

Page 63:

Once there were two people so in love that they married on a mountaintop on a random Wednesday.

Page 64:

They were so very much in love that no words were spoken, and their vows were understood and accepted by the silence and nature of the Universe.

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For six years it worked.

Page 66:

For whatever reasons, it stopped working.

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The point is that it existed.

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And, you can't argue with that.

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Would you like to know what's even better than a "good" ending?

Page 70:

Ned found a girl that likes cell phones and designer cologne. And...

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Carly decided to build her own campfire and finally found...


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herself.