My Wife Has Guts...I've Seen 'Em

I have to type very quickly. I have a baby now. Here's a list of stuff that people need to know:

1. He is happy and healthy and beautiful.
2. He weighed 8lbs., 7oz. and was 20 1/2 inches long.
3. His name is Grey Matthew.
4. I did NOT get to have my beautiful home birth because I had "back labor" for 30 hours. It was excruciatingly painful. Grey was also in the wrong position, so we had to go to the hospital. It sucked.
5. On the night that I was released from the hospital, I turned over in bed to reach for my son, and my C-section incision burst open. Blood spilled out. I ran to the bathroom and got a mirror. I saw my own intestines coming out. I freaked out. My husband called 911. My baby started screaming to be fed. Now, what's a new mother to do? Try to breastfeed the baby while trying to hold her intestines inside of her? Yes. That's what a new mother does. At least, that's what I did. The ambulance came and raced me to the hospital. I got to have yet another major surgery within a span of 3 days. Fun times were had by all. There was a woman in the ER right next to me that sounded like a drowning cat. Her name was Beatrice. Beatrice Carter.
6. I hate not being able to describe this story in all its glory.
7. I am home now and dealing with a lot of very mixed emotions. Here are some of them:

I feel cheated, mutilated, happy, quite sad, grateful, beautiful, strong, lumpy, weepy, confused, down, loved, caring and exhausted.

This is going to be a long process of healing, I am sure. But, I have a new baby. And, he is beautiful. No, really...he's really, REALLY pretty. Everyone says so.

I love him. I also get really frustrated and scared. He screams bloody murder sometimes, and there's absolutely nothing I can do to make him feel better. I am coming to terms with the fact that babies do this. This "motherhood" thing is not for sissies.

Good thing I have the absolute best partner in the entire world. I don't know what I would've done without Beau through all of this. I thought about him a lot while I was in the ambulance. I just stared up at the little timer that tells you how long you've been in the ambulance and thought of Beau who was scared shitless at home with Grey all by himself. I thought about how bumpy the Tulsa roads were as I clutched my incision. I thought about how I always say, "Think good thoughts for that person," when I see an ambulance whizzing by. I thought about how I was that person this time. I thought about how two people came together to make this other little person and how scary and sad this birth experience had been. I thought about how we would have to mourn the birth plan that we had lost. I thought about how this man stood by me through everything. I thought about how I'd never felt more close to anyone in my whole life.

Right now he is fixing the shower while holding our baby in a sling. He has waited on me hand and foot, spent 5 days with me in the hospital...never leaving my side. He is amazing, and he deserves an award. I love him.

He said that he's going to make a t-shirt that says, "My Wife Has Guts...I've Seen 'Em."

I love you, Beau-y. I never knew your strength until this week. I never knew the strength of our relationship until this week. I never knew my own strength until this week.

No matter what...it's you and me.