An Interview with Cari Adams

*This interview was conducted by Cari Elaine Adams. She decided to interview herself on the rare occasion that she was able to consume 4 small glasses of wine on June 29th, 2010.

So, Cari, we hear that you're a mom now. What is the best part of being a mom?

Well, let's see. Besides having my son sometimes look at me as if I am the love of his life, I would have to say that the best part of being a mom is the fact that I am being forced to "get over myself" on a daily basis. I used to think it was extremely uncool to wear clothes that were indicative of a certain occasion or holiday. This idea has been discarded. Grey Matthew now owns a "Daddy's Caddy in Training" onesie (courtesy of Father's Day), and a "My First Halloween" onesie, that WILL be worn on Halloween. On the 4th of July, he will be wearing his new cap, a white onesie and his red, white and blue madras shorts. It's cute. Deal with it, self.

I also have pretty much ZERO time for myself now, which is a blessing in disguise. Man, I could make a petty argument into such a big deal when given the time to ponder and obsess. Yeah...don't really have time to care, anymore.

What is the worst part about being a mother?

I have pretty much ZERO time for myself now. The other day I realized that I couldn't remember when I had showered last. I'm not kidding. It had been that long. I also constantly worry about the unheard of amount of "life decisions" that I have to make for another human being. It's weird. The fact that I named another human being is weird. I find myself wondering if the music that I subject him to is "intelligent" enough. He doesn't care, of course. He just likes me no matter what I do or who I portray myself to be...which is also hard to comprehend. He's making me try to like myself. Damn you, baby!

What kick-ass music are you listening to now? You know...because you're a musician and a songwriter?

I've come up with a few hits lately. If you're 4 1/2 months old, you're TOTALLY going to love them. They're called:

"Please Stop Screaming While I Put Pajamas on Your Lotion-y Skin" (Beau co-wrote this one.)

"Don't Worry, I'm Not Going to Leave You in That Jumparoo for Much Longer"

"The Inward Facing Carrier is Just as Good as the Front Facing Carrier, So Like It"

"Bumbos are for Big Boys...Try to Stay in Yours for More than 2 Minutes"

and my personal favorite:

"How in the Hell Did I Ever Exist Without You Because You're Pretty Much the Best Thing Ever to Come into Existence?"

You're a big reader. What books are you enjoying right now?

The Baby Book by Dr. Sears

The Vaccine Book by Dr. Sears (his son, actually)

Gabe's blog

Beau's blog

I skim emails.

I occasionally peruse www.perezhilton.com

Nice. I once read 7 books in one month when I was 27. They were all classics. Yes, I was trying to ignore the fact that my first marriage was imploding, but STILL. Seven classics in one month. I'm now excited if I get to see 9 minutes of the Fourth Hour of the Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda. So gross.

How were those 4 small glasses of wine tonight?

Liquid heaven.

What is the most surprising thing about motherhood?

I have a new understanding of my own mother and what she must have felt, seen, been worried about, NOT understood, been scared by, loved, and experienced. This knowledge that she went through all of this (at 23, 26 and 29, mind you) is incredible. I feel a connection that I didn't know existed, and I am so grateful for her advice.

Example:

Cari: "Hey, Mom. Do you think that Grey will be okay on the plane ride to Colorado in August? I don't want him to get sick. He won't have had his pertussis shots by then. Do you think he'll get sick?"

Mom: "No, he won't get sick."

Cari: "Okay, good."

(I truly believe that if my mom says something won't happen, it won't.)

What did you have for dinner tonight?

6 pieces of sushi left over from lunch and a large peanut butter pop. (Scoop of peanut butter on a spoon.)

Have you always eaten such strange combinations of food?

Yes.

What is your most favorite song EVER?

Sweet Thing by Van Morrison

Why?

Because of the lines:

"And I will walk and talk in gardens all wet with rain,"

"And I will never, ever, ever grow so old again,"

"And I shall drive my chariot down your streets and cry, 'Hey it's me, I'm dynamite, and I don't know why,'"

AND...

"Just to dig it all and not to wonder, that's just fine."

BEST. LYRICS. EVER.

Why are you strangely attracted to some famous men that are not perceived as being particularly "handsome"???

Because they are either:

1. Funny

2. Funny, or

3. Funny

Who would those men be?

1. Conan O'Brien

2. Zach Galifianakis

3. Jason Segel

Will you have a nervous breakdown when Gus dies?

Pretty much.

Will you only have it in the bathroom with the door closed, by yourself and quietly because you now have to think about how your actions affect another human being?

Yes.

Why does a dog mean so much to you?

Because he stood by me when no one else did. (Except for Andrew, of course.)

So, you're now comparing a dog to your best guy friend?

Everyone I know would agree that Gus and Andrew are very much alike. :)

Some people say, "I have no regrets." How do you feel about that statement?

I think it's a wonderful sentiment because wouldn't we all love to take the position of, "Everything I did or was is why I am where I am now..."

BUT...

I just don't find it to be a completely honest statement of what I truly believe. There are many, many things I wish I could "do over." I have hurt people beyond belief, I have misused power, I have taken more than I gave...many things.

What are you talking about? You're a really good person.

Thanks, self. You always pull through for me. But, really, though. I wish that I could sit down with a couple people and look them in the eye and tell them how sorry I am. These people would brush off my apology and think that I was living in the past. But, I'm not, these people! I'm just trying to be accountable for my actions! You know what? EFF YOU, THESE PEOPLE! YOU DON'T DESERVE MY APOLOGY! (Just kidding.)

Why are you so funny, Cari? WHY?

Bob Hollrah.

Do you have any advice?

Trust your gut instincts. Every, single time I have had an instinct about something or someone, it has turned out to be true. Whether it be, "I really don't want to adopt this little homeless, neighborhood dog. He looks like trouble," and I do it anyway, or "I don't trust this man," or "Dying my hair brown is probably not the best decision," they always turn out to be true. Every. Single. Time.

Do you have any pet peeves?

Yes. People that talk badly about Oklahoma. If you don't like it, leave. Or else just don't say anything. I love my state. I truly do. Yes, it's backwards, and the people are backwards, and the roads are bad, and the government is ridiculous, and it's HOT, and there are no mountains and no ocean and hardly any money for education, etc. I get it.

But, there is a quiet beauty to this land. Have you ever stood facing west at dusk on a farm just east of Enid looking over fields of golden wheat with a slight breeze coming from the north and a glimpse of your Grandma cooking something wonderful in your peripheral vision through the kitchen window in October?

That's Oklahoma.

What is the weirdest thing you've said in the past week?

?I can't find the right review! So, there's a DIFFERENT kind of Jumparoo? Oh, wait. There it is. We got the Precious Planet one in 'khaki sands,' right?"

Do you feel like a mom?

No. I feel like I'm pretending to be a mom. It's very weird.

What's the most amazing thing about moms?

Hmm...probably the fact that they just keep going. You haven't showered in days, you woke up 3 times in the middle of the night to feed and console, you don't remember how to apply eye make up, you have folded 26 onesies in 2 minutes while singing about it in hopes that your baby doesn't get bored, you point and talk and explain and explore and laugh and cry and you haven't slept for 8 straight hours in more than a year, and you use your "down time" to finally wipe down the kitchen counter instead of taking a nap, and you don't brush your teeth because your son hates where you laid him down for 2 seconds, and you don't TRULY finish a blog because you just heard your baby cough...

And you just. keep. going. Because you have to. Because you want to. Because that's what moms do.

So, you really did hear your son just cough?

Yes.

So, you should probably go?

Yes.

Are you happy now? Happy with the way things turned out?

God, yes.

What was truly, TRULY important 5 years ago?

Making sure everyone knew how cool and deep I was.

What is truly, TRULY important TODAY?

Finding a new way to make him laugh.

What will be important in 5 years?

Finding a new way to make him laugh.