Yes, I know...I haven't written in seven months. I'm tired. I'm void of any creative energy. I have lots of excuses. If you'd like to hear them all, you can email me at: chollrah@gmail.com and I'd be happy to send them to you. There are many, many excuses, and I don't feel bad about making any of them. I do feel bad about not doing ANYTHING creative, though. I miss paint. I miss song. I miss write. I miss yoges (that's yoga for cool people). I miss draw. I miss make.
Beauregard Matthew Adams is constantly talking about a blog called Zen Habits. You can find it at: http://zenhabits.net
I mostly listen to him when he talks about it. The rest of the time, I block out what he's saying because it has too much meaning, and I can't deal with that right now. I'm starting to think that I'm about to have some huge transformation or realization or new beginning because I can't get into ANYTHING that means ANYTHING right now. I can, however, tell you \everything you want to know about pop culture at the current moment. Anything. It's all my brain can process. Anyhoo...as I was looking for writing inspiration today, I came across these "6 Questions to Ask Yourself" on the Zen Habits blog. I shall now answer them in hopes that I will have some sort of creative spark ignite into a mass-producing wildfire instead of trying to understand why the women on "Love in the Wild" are in ANY way attracted to Steele. Yes, his name is Steele. He's an idiot. Anyway, back to my transforming questions! Here we go! I can feel my chakras being aligned already!
1. Who do I love, and what am I doing about it?
I love food. I'm eating a LOT of food right now. Oh, wait...WHO...I love people that provide me with food. In order to keep them in my life, I attend their functions, sometimes kiss them, and often clean up after they provide the food. I also tell them how good their food tastes, in hopes that they'll make more of it.
2. Am I pursuing my dream, or is fear stopping me?
Fear is stopping me. Is that all I have to answer? Man, this is easy!
3. Am I doing something that matters?
I'd say that raising a human boy to be kind, understanding, confident and loving is probably one of the most important things that I could be doing. So, yeah. Stuff I do matters.
4. What am I doing to help others?
Whenever someone makes me something to eat, I clean the plates and stuff. I think I may have mentioned that one already. Hmmm...OH! I wipe a child's ass all day long. I also provide ACTUAL FOOD from my own body for the aforementioned child. As in, like, I totally make it with my own boobs. It's pretty awesome. Sometimes I get Beau a glass of water. Sometimes I sacrifice everything that I want to do with my life so that another person can do everything that they want to do with their life...so, yeah...that one's kind of big.
5. Am I as good a person as I want to be?
Look...I try, alright? God, Zen Habits. What more do you want from me?!?
6. What am I doing to live life with passion, health and energy?
Let's see. How about this sh*t: I completely quit smoking. Like, not the "I'll have one every now and then and plan it around breastfeeding so that my child gets little to no nicotine" kind. Not that kind. Like the, "After 16 years (minus no smoking during pregnancy...duh), I think I'll give up the thing with that I most define myself. The thing that gets me through the day. The thing that I have associated with being creative, interesting, etc. The thing I did when excited, scared, bored, happy, mad, annoyed..." Did I mention that? Did I mention I gave up the thing that my mind has told me it loves and needs more than anything in the whole wide world for the past 16 years? Addiction is neat. Sometimes not smoking makes you feel like you have nothing to live for anymore! Cool, huh?! So much fun!
Thirty-five days of no smoking. THAT MEANS, only 15 years and 330 days until I'll have "not smoked" as long as I've "smoked"!!!!
I'm so excited for when I'm 47 1/2!!!
Well, everyone, this blog post has really been a true jewel-encrusted dream of an experience. I've thoroughly enjoyed our time together, and I'll be sure and write every, single day from here on out just right after I design that sarcasm font I've been talking about for so long!
LYLAS!
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In regards to #4, when you write it helps others.
ReplyDeleteYou know that not one thing defines you, right Ms. Hollrah? I feel like you've said that to me before???? I am having the Year Of Self Discovery....would you like to join me? This is my response to turing 30 this month. Bryan says it will be good for me as long as I still want to be married to him at the end of it.
ReplyDeletePS I went to a live club called The Zoo Bar in Lincoln and listened to great jazz with a friend last week and then dreamt of you singing that night.
Ok, I finally decided to post here rather than Facebook. What an ordeal that was.
ReplyDeleteFirst, was the post on Zen Habits fully titled: "Six Questions to Ask Yourself, If You Want Yourself to Feel Like Crap"? Seriously, "Am I as good a person as I want to be?" Shouldn't we all just stick closer to: "Did I manage to smile and say thank you to the convenience store clerk?"
Second, cleaning up after the food making is life's highest calling, in my opinion.
Third, I think the transition between sentences seven and eight of your answer to #4 is downright Kerouacian.